Well Done Good and Faithful Servant!

In one of the many of the books I have read about the life of Henri Nouwen, including his own writings, he made the strange statement, "My only regret is that I never became the man I wanted to be." I was stunned when I read that statement because of the tremendous impact he had on the Christian world through his writings. The depth of his understanding into the ways of God were surely products of his life with God, I thought. 

For years I have suffered with this riddle. How could it be that the man who has ministered to so many, and in so many ways, have considered himself a failure? Today I understand. It was because he never resolved or was able to become "the man he thought he should have been." How many of us do this also? We have an image of ourselves of the way "men ought to be" and if that never comes to pass, then we have failed. But in truth, we have failed ourselves, not God. It is this false expectation that I believe tormented Nouwen all his life. 

In a way, that is similar to Hans' own story.  In the fifties, the expectations were that every minister was supposed to be like Billy Graham, or every general was to be an Eisenhower, every artist a Rembrandt, every missionary a William Carey or David Brainerd. You know how it goes. But Nouwen's case displays our erroneous thinking, for truly God used Nouwen even if he never became the man he was supposed to be. 

What more can you ask for? Nouwen may have disappointed himself, but he never disappointed us. It's hard to reconcile because Nouwen wasn't after fame, or a legacy, he was after being satisfied with his own version of humanity. I think Hans finally got it too. When he was brought low, he realized that his contributions to the Kingdom were immense and real and would not burn in the end. That his life's work would remain and bear much fruit. Their names are everywhere and their work is inspired by the gifts he imparted to them. Did he ever become the gregarious, sanguine personality he wanted to be?  I think he became much more in the end, because he was true to his experiences and his perceptions of the world which brought forth a unique character and expression of a man, not the cookie cutter men we see today unfortunately.

I think I fell under his view that he had something left to do because of those expectations. And I asked everyone to pray for me. I could not release him until I was sure of this fact that his work was finished. Your prayers were answered today in solving the riddle of Henri Nouwen's strange statement. Hans' chores are done, he can go home. He leaves a legacy of fruitful warriors and established saints on the home front, which is more than most can say. God uses us in the most unsuspecting ways, and leaves untapped those things we think He should have done. 

Hans' qualities are innumerable and I shall tell you on the day we meet face to face. I shall sing over him as the good servant— who will soon enter into the joy of His Lord.