This is a Hard Teaching, Can You Accept it?

This morning I feel hopeful again. My hope is somehow related to my physical well being. I know that during those times, when I am physically weak, that the Lord is carrying me. During those times,  I don't feel anything at all but silently cared for. Today, Jesus speaks to me about the cancer,  "This is a hard teaching, can you accept it?" I don't want to be like the disciples who grumbled and many of them left Him. There was a time when I thought I would leave Jesus over this situation. The road we had been on together for so long suddenly ended as it became evident to me that Hans had a sickness that was leading unto death. It felt as if Jesus believed in widow burning and that I too would be interred along side Hans. But then He spoke and said "Can you accept this hard teaching, or will you leave me too?" (John 6:60ff) I can accept anything if I know it is from the Master's hand. After all, I am a disciple. It's believing that Jesus does not governed ALL things that brings despair and confusion. I don't have to know the end game to trust him, but I do have to know that He knows. 

But this situation is a hard teaching. The "situation" is compounded by the fact that we have returned to the lower valley, I am not happy here. The view is dismal. There is no view, we live below sea level. At least on Oxford we could see the rim of the earth. Secondly, the walls of my heart are partially built. I am a building, tempered over time by the pressures of following Christ and prayer. What does one do with a half baked building? Tear it down? Continue alone? I was never a good mason. Hans was the expert. Fuller (my school) certifies me as an expert or master builder, but I am not so sure of it. 

But I have been taught by the apostle Paul himself. Can I go on and build the house of God by myself?  Hans always fashioned himself after the apostle Boniface, who was sent to the Germanic and Celtic tribes with fifty women missionaries. Together they evangelized the northern half of Europe. What became of those talented women?


It is an interesting fact that St. Boniface was actually killed by Han's ancestors while trying to evangelize them to Christ. Could it be divine justice which has caused this modern Frisian to carry forth the same missionary spirit as the man they murdered? Like Christ himself, the light cannot be extinguished. 

This morning Hans drank a cup of coffee. He hasn't eaten in three weeks. We don't even offer him food anymore. But this morning I asked him if he wanted a piece of zucchini bread. He said yes! As I laid the piece before him, he lifted it to his nose. I said "This is Resurrection Bread, Hans. Can you suffer it?" "Yes," he said, "I am smelling it to awaken my appetite." Appetite is really desire. He does not desire food anymore. He desires nothing, only the bread of heaven. I leave him with the plate pushed against his nose. I wonder what will happen to it? They say it doesn't matter if he eats or not. Any nutrient that he digests goes to feed the tumors now. They are voracious. Later on I find crumbs on his shirt. He has taken a bite.

Pray for us kind saints. Pray that we may accept with dignity the hard teaching of Christ and be found worthy of the Master's name.