My loneliness is most severe in the early hours of the morning. This is when Hans usually brought us coffee in the bedroom and we would begin our talks for the day. He would have already been up for hours and would be ready to share out of his treasure chest. I would be barely waking up. It was this way for the last 28 years of our life together. Until February 27th...when he no longer rose early..but slept in order to preserve his energy.
The desert air is too cold to go out into the courtyard and sit. I am alone. But I have you dear Jesus. You will have to be my companion today. You can tell Hans that I am doing well because You are with me, helping me. And my friends and family are with me and comforting me. I know that he will be worried about my mind and my heart too. Please tell him I am ok..though a bit lost this morning.
Please tell him that I am sorry for the pain, and that I couldn't help him more. Please also tell him how many people loved him and hurt with us as well. All of our lovely students and friends have been with us on this journey of life and now death.
I face the day, but I don't know how or why or where to begin..I am single again and I can't bear the terrible loneliness that looms ahead of me. But I will just put foot in front of the other and begin.
Your family and friends cannot fill the space occupied by Hans in your heart and your life, but if you will but let us, we will try to help it feel less empty. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but maybe next week and until you see him once again as he brings you your early morning coffee.
ReplyDeleteWith love from your sister...
I got this picture while reading you blot....
ReplyDeleteHans is picking up tulips that you have wanted to plant or planted for him in the garden. It's a clear day, no wind and not much cloud.
You sit with Jesus quietly watching him.
No word exchange. Only peace in the air... So quiet.....
Jesus, come. May your healing Balm with upon Judy and all the Weerstra clan as they cling to you. May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who has loved us mand given us everlasting comfort and hope which we don't deserve, comfort your hearts with all comfort, and help you in every good thing you say and do.
ReplyDelete2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
We are still with you,Judy. Remember what you told us so many times in counsel:
ReplyDelete"You will never be alone again."
Now we say it to you, in love and truth.