The Morning After

There were a lot of nervous moments before the ceremony. At a grave site funeral you are doing most of the planning yourself. There is no professional clergy doing it for you or even leading you through it. We chose just individuals to speak and pray and I gave the Word of God as hope for the soul. But the elders were there to bury him, Pastors Warren Hoyt lead the opening prayer, Rev. Bill Cobb closed, Pastor Gary Wilcox sang and Rev. Rick Miiliron, Rev. Bill Francis, Brother Greg Steel and many other beloved ministry leaders were present to lay his body down. But most of all his beloved students and friends were there to weep and rejoice over his life and death. Of course many were present in spirit, since they are serving overseas and they sent letters which I will post today. In addition, all six of the kids sang a special song together. Probably the first time that this has happened when all six were together since 1986. Doug and Julianne played guitar and the others sang about the Golden City where all our tears are wiped away.  

But what about God, where was He? Where was my best friend? Who would God send forth to hold my hand? It was a slim Chinese woman who is a professor at the University and her sweet and wonderful husband. She gripped it with an iron hold. I did rather feel like a wilted tulip from time to time. But her strength was like the wire that is wrapped around a fragile flower so that its beauty is not diminished. God's love today was like tendrils of curls around a beautiful face—just ever so slightly working, endearing each face to me, making me grateful for the body of Christ. Each face so dear to Jesus.  

There were many present moments but the one which really gripped me was at the very beginning. The service began with the song "Emmanuel,God with Us" which is a slow song in a minor key. Then the casket was removed from the hearse. The sons draped it with a white pall that carried the emblem of the resurrection. As they moved forward, the wind blew the edges of the pall and it looked alive in the Spirit to me. Everyone stood. It was a moment of honor for Hans, my beloved. My beloved who received no honor while he was awake was finally honored as a meek and obedient servant. What greater praise?

My second favorite moment was the spontaneous eruption of Han's grandchildren, all of them, including all the children from the Abbey, who laid tulips on the casket. All of them were mourning as well. Though it was a windy day, not one of the them was lost. We opted to for the lowering of the casket which clearly reveals the sorrow of death. 

As I pull away from the memory I see more and more of God's hand in it. My two favorite servants, Robert and Jennifer Ferraro worked feverishly both day and night to prepare the banquet hall, transforming it into a garden of tulips. The food was made by the beloved saints of God, ministering unto Jesus. Did they know? I wonder. But it is the truth. They were bringing food to strengthen His body and He receives the honor. 

The saddest moments to me were when my grandaughter Emmie broke down (twice) and sobbed. Her cheerful acceptance  of her Grandfather's death was washed away by grief. Nothing would comfort her and her lament washed our own fragile reserve away as well. She wanted him back, now. With prayer and time she calmed down. 

Afterwards we returned home for just a time of unwinding, all of us emotionally spent. Back came the jeans and tennis shoes that we all "live in." We ate and talked late into the night. 

But today is today. Two sons have already left. Three left to go. One remains. And our quiver is empty again. What will the future bring? There is a great work to do. I feel a greater sense of responsibility I have not felt before. The heaviness of the mantle of Christ. Go..make disciples...in My name.