Wretched Beginnings

I am still wretched inside. As I return home from Austin, my first trip without Hans, I return to face all the old memories. They are here and there and suddenly I realize that I have to start a new life. I have no money since the insurance company is taking their time settling this tiny insignificant pay off, so I can’t do anything really. I am still reeling from everything that has happened in my life. The suddenness of losing him after a year of waiting. Then it was over. The days after his death flew by so quickly. But now I must face the music, the minor keys of life. I am deeply hurt and saddened tonight coming back and remembering every thing I left behind last Friday. In Austin, there were a swirl of activities and some culture shock. Many wonderful and real people, so much so that I wanted to bury myself in the skirts, hiding in the comfort of their warmth. But there is no womb, except the womb of Christ and tonight I must find Him or I shall surely perish as my bridegroom did.  I do wish it were morning when the light flows back in and dreams can begin to heal my life again.