It has been two days since I posted. Perhaps because I am doing ok. I finally had the courage to move my office into Hans' room and set up my small counseling business again. My first attempt was dismal, I am rough from non use. I forgot to ask the right questions at the right times, my brain still dead from the trauma of this year. But eventually Jesus led us into the right places and wow.. a touch from God. What an awesome privilege to be with God in His ministry. I am humbled once again by the precious lives of men and women and how much He cares about everything. God is SO much love. I can feel it in these sessions and Iunderstand the pain I am dealing with is not unnoticed and I am healed myself. Caring about others is really caring about yourself. There is a blessing hidden in its midst. That's why I think the cultural narcissism of the present is truly death.
Today I am going to the synagogue for worship of the Messiah. I don't know what to do expect, but am looking forward to meeting God there. I haven't been to church in a year. Tomorrow I am going to visit again another family of God, though I don't know yet where. I want to go where the majority of my friends and family go but I know that once I do, I will lose the prophetic ability to speak into their lives. Familiarity breeds contempt and all that human stuff. So I remain a stranger among God's people to this day.
Watching high school musical last night, I realized that I never belonged in high school to any group. I was part of the group that commuted from another village. My gang became the kids on the school bus. I can't even remember their names now. We were all army brats and you know how that goes. Transitory lives, perfect training for a missionary. But later on, even my mission experience kept me from belonging to a church, I belonged to a mission. We are all located on different continents now. My best friends lives in China.
So one of the deepest needs I have is to belong and to experience the comaderie that old friends do. A sort of historical confidence that surpasses common day exchanges. It's a form of intimacy that I have never had. I found all that intimacy with my best friend Hans, and now that that been stripped from me as well. Of course, of course there is my heavenly companion...but He willed that we would double our joy with the brethren, that is what I am talking about. Now that Hans is gone, I am squeezed out like toothpaste into the body to find my intimacy, authenticity and drinks of refreshing waters with others. I was completely satisfied with Hans....needing no one. But now...it is different. To be fully alive and like God, you must share the love between you and God with someone else. . .
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