The Promise Land

I sent a link to Talitha Cum to a friend who wanted to read it. I thought I would take a look for myself one more time, to kind of remember April and parts of March. I couldn't do it. I couldn't  bear to read those words again. I am afraid it will tear the scab just barely forming. Nor have I been to the grave in a week. I am also afraid to go into Hans' office at night, the spirit of the dead and all that. Do I dare uncover what God is making whole again? I don't know what to make of myself, that is the hilarious part of all of this. I don't know myself at all. Which is hysterically funny having mastered such hard trials of the faith and having learning how to govern my own soul under the direction of the Spirit. But today I do not know it at all. I am a stranger to myself.

For instance, I went to synagogue this morning. God was with me. My heart was like a deep running brook in the midst of God's people, I was as calm as the seas on a good day. Placid I believe the word is. Nothing disturbed me, nor did I want anything or even think anything. The rabbi was so funny, so casual with the word of God...dismissively reverent. Kind of odd but charming. I sailed out like a leaf on a wave. Huh?

But Saturday felt like Sunday and I could not shake the kodesh (holiness) of the meeting, it has lasted all day and so I won't get any work done today. Now I will have two Sundays. I have plans to clean the backyard and it feels sacrilegious now. All of which is to say that my emotions are everywhere and no where. The view ahead of me (figuretively speaking) is hugely vast, for I can do so much, I am so trained I can have five more careers if I choose. But the plain is also empty, no trees, no bushes, very much like the hinterlands of Utah, large boulders and mammoth rocks.

I am excited for I am truly following God today and I have begun my journey to the Promise Land. I have cross the Jordan (death) and now I must set up twelve pillars.