It's 6 o'clock in the Morning!

March 23, 2011

Its 6 o'clock in the morning and the roosters are crowing. Only in the lower valley do you get to hear the sounds of nature and the reality of life, I love it. Who is hiding roosters in this neighborhood? I must investigate tomorrow, Perhaps there are fresh eggs in the henhouse. 

My son arrives today. I need him. I didn't know how much I needed him until I heard his voice. 

My unspoken pain is manifold. Loss, disappointment and loneliness. I am lonely for the man who used to bring me coffee and now lies broken in a bed, shivering and sitting with his eyes closed for most of the day. He appears to be sliding downhill for a bit.  Life is slipping away from him during this time of legal poisoning. What a barbaric way of "healing." The worse part is that he does not talk. Only two weeks ago he exhausted me with his enthusiasm for the plans of God in the world. Today he is only contemplating heaven, I am not a part of that any more. It's just him and God, as it should be.  

It helps to write down the themes of one's life. It feels as if this shall never pass. We have been in limbo for over a year. But there are many God given comforts along the road. One is that I do not bear this burden alone, even my grandchildren and son in law are in silent prayer...the littlest one (5) does not know. She says, "Grandma, old things have to die. It's just natural." If only she knew how unnatural it is. We were not meant to die  but to live in health and goodness forever. 

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My cat is my constant companion, does she know? She is Jesus' representative right now. . . reminding me...of something bigger than our sorrows...that God is creator and that He alone holds the keys to life and death.