The Search for Wisdom

Good morning. It is 6AM and I have been up for a while. There are no new metaphors in my head. The horizon of my state of being is flat again, perhaps a little nervous since I am heading for eye surgery on Friday. The surgery is not without risk. But what could be worse than today? Blindness might give me a new lease in life or for sure seal the deal and I would want to move on for sure. My life is seldom boring.

There is, I might say, a tentative excitement in the air as I move farther away from April 25, 2011. I am changing I can tell.  My denial is coming to an end and I am beginning to view the future without Honey. He would want me too...he would be disappointed in my giving up. He would actually be shocked. I'm sure he thought "I would be just fine without him." He was part of the process of making me whole. I thought I would be "just fine" without him too. That's how big of a fool I was. Marriage is a strange spiritual knot. The pain in death and divorce prove the existence of spiritual ties—their breaking can be heard around the world.

I am reading a book whose subtext is called the 'search for wisdom." The gist is that the older people have more wisdom than the young and this author is trying to cull it out of them. So he interviews people over 70 years old to discover how they use their "wisdom." Or how does their wisdom play out in real life. One 94 year old decided to get involved in passing the McCain-Feingold bill in her state. She was constantly on the phone cajoling senators to pass it. "She would nap in the afternoons and scrap it out in the mornings while her husband of 80 something would increasingly withdraw into his own little world of sleep and television. She outlived him. Maybe "wisdom" was really more temperament rather than "wisdom."

All I know is that desire to withdraw into my room and watch nothing but movies is a real threat to my call and the remainder of life. I have to push through to light. I have so many things still left to teach and so much spiritual energy in me. But . . . my flesh is weak and the devils are strong. If you see me advertising something you will know a miracle has taken place. I might begin with something easy... like ministry skills..or church planting. All of these are easy things for me. The life of virtue and devotion is more taxing. The most fulfilling and requiring the most preparation is teaching the bible which oddly enough is more rewarding than anything else.  God's word is like honey on the tongue. Incredibly sweet.

How does a young "old person" use their wisdom? How does a Christian allow wisdom to guide them? I wonder about that in my own life. I must make decisions now completely alone and as a free agent. It is a bit challenging.

Please pray for me on Friday at 9AM. Pray for Dr. Gulbas and staff. Pray he has a steady hand and isn't hung over or something awful like that. Ask Jesus to guide his instruments.