A Thousand Kisses

It was now early June. I had only met Hans in March. In April, I received my own missionary call. Shaken, I told Hans about it. A profound change occurred in my heart as a result of this call. He was excited about it. He had also met a man who was in charge of Youth With A Mission. I didn't think about any of those things as significant. In spite of the kiss, nothing had changed in our relationship. I was still very nervous and insecure around him and had nothing to say. Interiorly I was a mess. The best that I could conclude from my condition is that I had to stop seeing him. Furthermore, I couldn't understand my own heart. Our dates would be dreadful, but mornings would find me with a completely changed attitude toward him/us. Feeling incredibly confused,  I took steps to meet with him personally and tell him that I didn't think this was going to work out between us. 

With my face set toward "Jerusalem" I proceeded to tell Hans my thoughts. When suddenly, the Holy Spirit, in the form of a physical touch descended upon me beginning with the top of my head, running his "finger" down my face, my throat, my shoulders, my chest, my stomach, my hips, my thighs, my knees, my ankles and finally my feet. I can still remember the light touch on even my eyelashes. His voice spoke clear as a bell, saying, "I AM giving you to Hans." The deed was done. I opened my eyes, which had ever so gently closed, and when I did, I was totally and completely in love. We were love sick for five years, unable to bear any kind of separation. 

But that night —gone was the insecurity, the nerves, the inability to talk, replaced with a peaceful gaiety that was divine. When I asked him years later, what he experienced that night, he said, "It was as if you had surrendered to me." I had not surrendered, I had been surrendered, by God—given in marriage to Hans. I was a gift to him. And he to me. And we to Him. And the years of pain were erased from his face, his eyes lit by love and favor from God. He literally sparkled as this picture clearly shows. We sparkled. 

And now those days are gone. The gift has now been rendered complete and finished—and we are no more. The thousand kisses are gone with his smile, and I am starting over. It was like a dream. And I can't seem to wake up and begin a new one.